She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
