we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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