In the future we'll all be gay
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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