Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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