I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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