Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
