SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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