If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize