summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize