Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
