Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
