Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
