i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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