this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
