I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
