I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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