He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
