bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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