im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
