What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
