I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
