Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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