i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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