I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
