Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
