just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
