I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize