she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
