Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
