where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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