so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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