Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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