Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
