i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
