dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize