wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
