i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I pour the whiskey from now on
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
