weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you didnt know i had herpes?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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