Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
