there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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