she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
