Screwed.edu
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
