Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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