you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I didn't notice because vodka
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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