I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
