I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
