Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
