Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
