I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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