The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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