I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize