Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
