she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize