Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
