I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
