my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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