There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
