People in love make me want to vomit
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
