Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
