I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We left the knife in your bed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
