fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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