Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
