So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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