i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Panties = found
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