consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
