Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
high people should be assigned attendants
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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