Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
