Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Randomize
