I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
