I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
