oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
