Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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