My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
