Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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