my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
