Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
