I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
