I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
