Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
