He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
