I showed him my bush... on skype.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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