Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Life is so much better after having sex.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
