it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
