I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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