She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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