Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
