Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize