Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
