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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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