I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
