he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
