Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
