its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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