I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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