YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
