i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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