I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize