i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
do herpes really smell.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
