Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
