I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
