I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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