If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
