I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
