Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
