I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
