i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i love accidental penises.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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