What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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